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What did the existential philosopher do on Friday night?

Nothing.

Where did the mystic philosopher go Friday night?

Everywhere.

What did the Zen philosopher do on Friday night?

Be. There is no "do".

What did the Pythagorean philospher do on Friday around 7?

8

What did the skeptic philosopher do on Friday night?

There is no way of knowing.

What did the esoteric philosopher do on Friday night?

Someone knows. But no one is telling.

What did the nominalist philosopher say when asked where he was Friday night?

He made something up.

What did the communist philosopher say when asked where he was Friday night?

He took the fifth.

What did the libertarian philosopher do on Friday night?

None of your business.

What did the feminist philosopher do on Friday night?

That's not funny!